It’s been a while since I last wrote, but I’m here now and I’m sorry for taking so long. I stumbled across this quote while I was on one of my Tumblr sprees the other day; a guilty habit that has since resurfaced by the name of procrastination. However, it’s not all bad, I guess, because I found this. Sylvia Plath always had a way with words and a way of articulating feelings and thoughts that are so abstract and yet simple and profound. And this is what I want to write about tonight, at 10:21 PM. I really should sleep; I tell myself everyday to go to bed early. But it never happens.
This quote is so beautiful, first because it is a standard that we all should use when it comes to falling in love with someone, and second because it served as a reminder for me to wait. To wait my turn, to wait in line, and to wait, because my day will come.
Recently a few of my friends have found wonderful people to compliment them. They have found what they deserve, and that is someone to love and someone to love them for who they are. My friends are well-deserving people, all who have gone through their own journies to find someone special. They have hit wrong turns and have brushed up against some interesting characters, but needless to say when the time came, the right person was standing in their midst waiting for them.
I feel a lot of joy for my friends, as they too have been patient and have been given something much greater than they could ever ask for. But at the same time, can you blame a girl for being just a tad jealous, dissatisfied, and impatient?
Almost three years ago, I came out of a broken relationship that, in hindsight, was fuelled by lust and pure smoke and mirrors. In my brokenness coming out of it, I had jumped into another relationship that many would call as a rebound. And at the time I refused to call it that – I thought that 3 months was enough for someone “mature” like me to heal. But 3 months was just scratching the surface, and suddenly I found myself in another relationship that was loveless, problematic, and all around pointless. It was on the last day of high school that I called everything off, and I have been single ever since.
All of those wiser than me tell me that “the right guy hasn’t come along yet” and that “God will provide when HE thinks you’re ready”. And that’s slightly disheartening, because it makes me think that God has no faith in me to make my own decisions. But then again, I did rebound three months after what was the worst time of my life, so I suppose He knows and I don’t.
But, this quote brings to light an excellent point: most of the time, I’m not in love. I’m just infatuated. I go through the mental checklist of appearance, personality, how he acts around my family and friends… all of those things, to an extent, matter. But most guys that fit the persona that I make my future husband out to be make my heart race. They leave an imprint in my mind and my brain starts to go wild. If I have the opportunity to talk to them, everything is heightened physically. And these feelings don’t just happen once, they happen a lot. How can I be in love with every guy I meet?
Spoiler: you might get hurt if you try.
It’s true, in the past two years I have met many incredible guys; many who have made my heart race, have occupied my thoughts and dreams, have made me smile for no reason of all and have been the subject of giggly conversations with girlfriends. But until we have reached a common level of understanding and respect for each other, I cannot claim to be “in love” the way I have been in years past. And further, there needs to be that love before I give my whole being to this person.
Keep youself open and love fully, whether it be just friends or something more. Because the more you love, I swear, the happier you will be. This infatuation will pass, and one day you’ll find youself loving more than just eyes and great hair.
Meanwhile, take care of yourself Prince Charming. I’ll meet you when I’m supposed to.