Reality Check

Dearest blog, I apologize for neglecting you for such a long time. It has been a whirlwind of school, piano, friends, love and life and everything collides into one. I feel that I have spent time on unimportant things and pushed out what is necessary in my life. I have filled it with shallowness, addiction and overall have been living quite unhealthily the past couple weeks.

And tomorrow, much to my relief or dismay, begins Lent.

Okay, it is for my own good and relief. I need this time to stop, recollect and refocus.

Last year I took on 40 days of being make up free, which I just got by and, admittedly, I cheated my way through some of those 40 days.

This year, I aim to go through Lent without going onto social media, and cutting back on my Starbucks addiction. Because we all know that this is the one weakness that I have.

I promised myself when I first started social media that I would not become those people. The kind of people that spend their entire lives on social media and narrate their lives, virtually, via the computer screen to their “friends” and “followers”. But, I fell in love with the growing technologies that were readily available, and at the touch of a button I could share anything with anyone at anytime.

I became the one thing that I did not want to become. And yes, though I was able to get through life pulling decent grades and maintaining friendships, a part of me still floats around like a ghost, craving to be back behind a computer screen and scrolling through meaningless posts for hours and hours.

At the beginning of the year I made resolutions that I am sorry to say I had not been able to keep. I suppose that this is the time to get back on the right track and revive anything that has died within me. I can feel myself deteriorating from the lack of sleep, overdose on Internet and binge drinking of coffee.

They say that the first step is acceptance. I do not necessarily think that I have a hardcore addiction, but I feel like by the time I do, it will be too late.

So thank you, God, for putting this in front of me as a reality check.

I have no idea what anxiety this will bring me, but I do hope for myself that it will really give me that ability to concentrate on what is important and realize what is secondary in my life.

Come tomorrow when this goes up, I will be on my hiatus.

See you all in 40 days.

x R